Where does fornication start i.e. how far is too far?

This is #3 in a series of blogs by PJ on Relationships and Sexuality. This blog looks at how far is too far…

Fornication means sex outside marriage.

God has reserved sex for marriage (Mk 10:7; Heb 13:4). Simple as that. No exceptions. When a married person is involved in sex outside their marriage it is called adultery. When two unmarried people have sex it is called fornication. So, the big question is…..

When does sex start?

Good question. To get your mind moving, try these two questions for size: When does life start? When does drunkenness start? I am not absolutely sure when sex actually starts, but we all know that there is a great deal more to sex than the final bit at the end! It is a process, isn’t it?

And let’s get our language accurate…

Girlfriends and boyfriends don’t make love, they fornicate. Ladies, if he puts on his best Italian accent and asks to make love to you, ask him to rephrase to “My darling, will you fornicate with me?” Kind of takes the romance out of it, doesn’t it? Then slap him and stomp off.

So how far can I go?

More like ‘how safe can I stay?’  Come on! Let’s have a renewed fear of God in this area! We are a new generation radically sold out to God. We ask not “how far can we go?” but rather “how safe can we stay?” Our battle cries include:

“Flee sexual immorality!” (1 Cor 6:18)

 “Let there not be even a hint of sexual immorality amongst us” (Eph 5:3)

What does the Bible say about how far I can go?

Here are some verses from the Bible and comments from me that I think give us some clear guidelines: “Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity” (1 Tim 5:1-2).

Mmm! Interesting. So guys, imagine you are at the movies with your girl. In the back row. And it is a chick-flick. Where can you touch her? Can you kiss her? How can you kiss her? The answer is simple: like you would your Mum or your sister. Ouch. So girls, you are home alone with a nice smelling, close-shaven (or ruggedly stubbled guy – you choose), the candles are burning and the music is soft, and he is acting so delicious! It makes you just wanna …… treat him like your Dad or your brother! If you are not convinced of my theory, look at the final three words in the verse above.

What about touching breasts?

“There were two sisters who became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and there virgin bosoms caressed” (Ezek 23:2-3)

Although this verse is a metaphor describing Israel’s unfaithfulness to God, the principles are helpful to us. Prostitution describes sex outside marriage, doesn’t it? And the details of the action here are that these sisters had their breast touched. So guys, take this one like a man: hands off those holy hills.

What about french-kissing?

Aka deep-kissing, smooching or snoggin’. Well I don’t have a verse for this one, although 1 Tim 5:1-2 probably covers it. But pretending that it doesn’t, we know that it is highly arousing and intimate. We also know that the bible says “do not awake passion before it’s time” (Song 2:7). You do the math.

Can I show off my body by the way that I dress?

1 Thess 4:1-8, in the context of sexual purity, speaks about not taking advantage of your brother (or sister). And here’s the thing: what they see seriously affects guys. So girls, please dress nice but beware of really tight or really short outfits. When girls see a guy in a tight T-shirt they might think something sensible like, “I guess he’s an athlete or something”; but when a guy sees a girl in tight stuff he just thinks “Fresh Meat” or “Hubba Hubba” or something equally primal.

You are probably familiar with the story of how King David first fell in lust with Bathsheba. David usually takes a lot of stick for idly wondering around the roof of his palace when he should have been out at war, but equally guilty was Bathsheba who was merrily bathing naked on her rooftop, presumably aware that the palace overlooked it. Ladies, choose your bathing venues carefully!

Guard your virginity

Ladies, your virginity is not a trophy to be won by some guy on the hunt. Men, your virginity is not a prize to be surrendered to some women’s seductive powers. Virginity is not an old-fashioned and embarrassing thing – no, it is highly prized in God’s eyes. Hold on to it. Reserve it for marriage.

What if you have already blown it?

I have good news for you, dear friend. Bring it to God. Come humbly and with a repentant heart, and he will forgive you and make you brand new! Don’t delay. Come to him now and allow him to wash you whiter than snow. No guilt or shame. Thank you Jesus.