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GodFirst on FacebookThis is #2 in a series of blogs by PJ on Relationships and Sexuality. Here we interview PJ on the subject of singleness.
Which is better: marriage or singleness?
God is the inventor of marriage and the one who said that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18). And then Paul writes to the Corinthians that it is also good for a man not to marry (1 Cor 7). So, both marriage and singleness are ‘good’.
What is the ‘gift of singleness’?
Paul speaks of both the marriage state and the single state as a gift from God (1 Cor 7:7). This refers to divine enablement from God to cope with the state that you find yourself in. When the disciples reasoned with Jesus that there might actually be significant benefits to being single, Jesus answered saying that not everyone would agree with them, but only those to whom it has been given (Mt 19:10-11). God gives enablement to single people to be single. Being single is not about slugging it out all your days in despondent loneliness. No! You have God at work within you!
Why might some people choose singleness?
Here are some biblical reasons for being single that we find in Mt 19:10-12 and 1 Cor 7:25-35.
- Because you were born that way. This refers to those who, for a variety of reasons, just don’t want to get married. That is fine.
- Because you have been made that way by men. This seems to be a reference to the barbaric ancient practice of forced castration. Maybe the application for us today is that you find yourself in such unique manmade circumstances (e.g. in prison, or in a war-ravaged environment, or with an extremely debilitating sickness) that marriage for you is not an option.
- For the sake of the kingdom of God. Here, you would choose singleness because that state enables you to better fulfill a calling that you have. An example of this might be a ministry that requires excessive travel. Paul uses the phrase ‘free from concern’ and says that a married man is concerned how he can please his wife whereas an unmarried person does not have that concern. But please note that this is not to make married people feel like they have chosen a less godly option! The Bible is teaching that it is right for a man to be concerned for his wife, but by so doing he will be better suited to certain callings over others.
What are some of the temptations that singles may face?
In his great book The Single Issue, Al Hsu unpacks the following list of temptations that single people may face:
- Tempted to put life on hold: don’t fall for the lie that proper life will start at marriage. Crack on with life now in all its fullness.
- Tempted to be over-committed: singles don’t have the escape line of ‘sorry, but I need to spend time with the kids’. Singles must beware of busyness, workaholism and burnout.
- Tempted to be self-centered: John Stott says, “Apart from sexual temptation, the greatest temptation we face is that of self-centredness … if we are not careful, we may find the whole world revolving round ourselves.”
- Tempted to be unaccountable: a marriage partner holds you accountable for your lifestyle. Singles should have other people who help fulfill this role to a degree.
- Tempted to have awful holidays: get into groups to go out on Valentine’s Day and on holidays, or go with other families.
- Tempted to live a life of regret: don’t drive along with your eyes glued to the rear-view mirror.
What are the benefits of being single?
Henry Thoreau said, “A man who goes alone can start today. But he who travels with another must wait until the other is ready.” Singles have such freedom and mobility that they can use for God’s glory. Singleness is a gift, a blessing that should be seized with gratitude and exploited for the kingdom of God. Neither Jesus nor Paul were married, and look what they accomplished for God! Go for it.
Single and honouring God
Whether single or married, we must honour God with our sexuality and live according to God’s will. Single people should honour marriage by loving holy as single people, and by supporting the institution of marriage. Avoid jealously and regret. Lean into God. Remember that ultimate satisfaction only comes from God.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation (Phil 4:11)
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